The Lockdown – A Silver Lining

By on April 16, 2020

It’s been a couple of weeks since the world saw its normal routine go out the window and get replaced with an unprecedented strange lockdown. We can no longer freely move around doing whatever the hell we want to whoever the hell we want, whenever the hell we want. Right now, the only people we can do anything with or to are the people right next to us. In an attempt to try and ‘flatten the curve’ people around the world have been called upon, requested, demanded, and even forced, to stay indoors.

While most people will complain that the global lockdown has created an undesirable way of life for most, I’d like to think it has presented the human race with a huge opportunity to make amends for several mistakes we have made in the past.

I am a firm believer in the power and ability of the Universe to shove change down our throats especially when we are stubborn and completely dismissive. So I think the Universe is simply making some changes and reestablishing and reaffirming her position as the ultimate decider of things. 

Anyway, today I shall attempt to offer what I like to call a silver lining to the Lockdown – a few things each person can and should do as they go about Social distancing and staying home. 

This is your chance to stop being an asshole 

I don’t think I can stress this enough but the Global agreement for everyone to stay home is an opportunity for us all to look inside ourselves and stop being the usual narcissistic, selfish absorbed and egotistical morons we’ve been. Since you are most likely stuck at home with the people you claim to love (i.e family) you now have the opportunity to try and be a good person because these are the people you are going to be with today, tomorrow and the day after. This is your chance to practice things like kindness, compassion, patience and general decency. Practice them because you are going to need them when relating with the rest of the world much later when/if everything returns to normal.

One would expect that universal assholery should reduce since people are mostly at home with their loved ones. Unfortunately, the internet seems to have given folks an avenue to continue practicing their assholery even when they know they should be trying to be better people. I can not for the life of me understand how a sane guy can carry his two-year-old son on his lap while at the same time online insulting a stranger’s low hanging boobs, bright thigh stretch marks or dark skin tone. It is strange that people can confidently be kind, courteous and civil with those around them while being abusive, vile and vulgar to strangers on the internet. You can lie to the brain for a little while that you’re two different people but some day, some time (and probably at the worst possible moment) those two versions of yourself are going to bump into each other and you’re going to be in big trouble. Now is the opportunity for you to treat people online the way you are treating those at home with. Now is the time for you to stop being an asshole and practice sanity and decency. 

Discover a hidden talent. It’s never too late! 

It is always said that talents are easily discovered in human beings when they are still young. It is also said that these talents need to be harnessed from a very young age. All this is true. However, experience has taught us that the Universe occasionally throws up surprises in the form of ‘late bloomers’. There is a long list of talented footballers, musicians, painters, strippers, cooks and gardeners who only discovered and fell in love with their talents later in life. The education system in Uganda (like it is in most African Countries) will take you on a winding road for several years before you finally see the bend to your true purpose. For most people, by the time they get pushed towards what they truly love, they are already in their advanced ages and too lazy to do anything about it. This lockdown is an opportunity to think long and hard about that career in comedy, guitar playing, painting or dancing. If your body is able to try something, give it a shot. After all, you have all the time in the world. By the time the lockdown ends, you just might be launching a career as a fashion designer, makeup artist, dancer, writer or comedian simply because you paid attention to that talent during the lockdown. Don’t let yourself sink into a pit of depression because you feel like you have no talent to develop. Get busy with your hand, feet, body and mind. You just never know where the talent might be hiding. 

Do some self care and focus on your damn self! 

A very painful lesson I learnt not so long ago is that I am the most important person in my life and therefore I have to look after myself as well as I possibly can. A good number of people are very good when it comes to looking after frends and family. Such people often end up giving so much that they end up having barely anything for themselves. And such people might appear friendly, happy and very good to those around them. But they are usually sad, lonely and unloved.

Now is the chance for you to look in the mirror and focus on the person you see in there. This might be a difficult venture for people who are stuck with toxic family members always demanding and yearning for attention and care but this lockdown is an opportunity for you to have a very long sober talk with these people. Tell them to grow a pair down under and look after themselves because you too need to look after yourself. After all, if you have no love for yourself, where will you find the love to give to others. Spend some time with yourself. Say and do nice things to yourself. Treat yourself to some niceties like plenty of sleep, uninterrupted time in the bathtub, gazing at the stars or moon or whatever else you can do for yourself. Put avocado on your face and wash it off 15 hours later. Grow hair on your legs and shave it when you feel like. Walk around the house naked and fart anywhere in the house (if you live alone). Basically, make yourself the center of your world – for once. When the lockdown ends and the world demands that you look after it, you will have done a great deal of thinking and you will know for sure how much of yourself you are wiling to give. The self care starts now! 

Work out & Get Healthy you unhealthy son of a gun!

Ideally, this should fall in the same bracket as self care but the reason I have placed this under its own category is because people out there are so unhealthy they need to be yelled at in a special language for them to wake up. Not too many people are big on working out and staying healthy. While there are shitloads of work out videos and routines all over the internet, many of these are usually pushed to the side for more fun things and as such not too many people actually purpose themselves to be healthy. This lockdown is an opportunity for you to try and redeem that which you lost – your health. If you have struggled to gain weight, now is the time to pile on a few KGs through food, exercise and perhaps enough rest. Those who are overweight obviously have bigger problems (ignore the pun) because there is the matter of endless supply of food. Try and create a timetable for eating and working out. That way, you can only eat as a reward for working out. I am not an expert at weight loss programs but I know that this lockdown is the best time to work on your weight loss program without people out there reminding you that you are still fat or that you have not lost a single KG yet you’ve been working hard. Give yourself a proper few weeks of uninterrupted work out and then shock us all with that beach body after the lockdown. After all, as soon as this bloody lockdown ends, beaches are going to be open for business. Someone needs to go there and share killer pictures. Let that be your goal.

Stop beig a drag and elevate your Sex Game, you weiner!

This, I am afraid, is for couples and partners that are staying together. If you’re not staying with your partner, I would recommend you move along to the next point because you’re only going to get depressed and we don’t want that now, do we?

So anyway, couples that are living together and are indulging in coitus during this lockdown are not only lucky but also blessed to be God’s favourite people. However, now is the time to throw what you knew about sex out of the window and open a brand new chapter for yourselves. Now is the time to try out new tricks and stunts of coitus. Assume that you’re creating content for Pornhub and go all out with your creativity. Do some role playing as well and occasionally try out some of those fantasies you have thought about. Of course you’re advised to do all this in moderation because if you try out a stunt that sends your partner straight to the ICU, you’re going to have trouble explaining to the RDC what the nature of your medical emergency is as you look for the permission to go the hospital. 

Sex with the same person day after day can become a bit of a chore if not a boring routine. Spice it up with some sex games, role playing, romantic gestures and whatever else you find when you Google ‘how to spice up sex life’. Now is the chance for you to up your game and remind your partner why indeed they landed for you in the first place. Now is also the chance for you to perhaps try it in the sitting room, on the balcony, in the kitchen, in the garage, on the rooftop or wherever else you can do it in and around your house without the neighbours seeing. It is time to get busy!

Read a Book for once, you nitwit!

While it may seem like a straightforward thing, not many people actualy fancy reading. It is generally viewed as an activity for geeky know-it-alls And it can be understood that people are often too busy or they just don’t have the will to do it. Well, now with the lockdown, you have just about enough time to indulge in a bit of reading. The interesting thing about reading is it gives you an opportunity to take a trip away from where you physically are to another realm. And if you are reading one of those delicious Fantasy novels, you are bound to go even beyond the boundaries of this earth. Try it, you’ll be amazed at how far away you can go without even leaving the four walls of your pathetic little house.

If you’re not sure what exactly to read, there are options for you to choose from. Whether you are into romance, science fiction, history, political satire, nature, self help, comedy, religion & faith, culture, music and film, food, art, drama, fantasy or whatever other subgenres there are, you can get hundreds of books to keep you going for weeks, even months on end. Just make sure you set aside at least 2 hours of reading each day. By the time the lockdown ends, you will notice a difference in the way you analyse things, communicate with people and view the world. Books open parts of your mind that were hitherto unlocked, untouched and completely virgin. Books are an entry point into a world where anything is possible. And if you have kids, books are a good opportunity for you to indulge kids without rotting their minds with TV, Smart Phones or Video games. You can give your kids these things in moderation but with books, there is no such thing as too many books for a child. 

Spend time with the kids, they’re yours for crying out loud!

A good chunk of dead beat dads have notoriously been absent from the lives of their children with excuses ranging from being busy to not knowing how to deal with kids. Well, the lockdown offers all deadbeat dads a chance to show up and actually stay with their kids for extended periods. Kids are angels that deserve all the loving in the world. They are innocent little creatures that thrive on the love of the elders around them. If as a dad, you played with your little ones, showed them that you are around with/and for them, there is a chance you might actually end up raising a brilliant little fella. True, even without you the mother can probably handle, but it should feel rewarding and refreshing to be present in your child’s life. Make some time to swap stories and experiences with the kids. Let them tell you about their lives and you about yours. That way, you can bond and end up becoming the dad you should actually be – a present dad.They say the greatest part of being a father is just being around. This lockdown offers an opportunity for you to do just that. 

Of course if you have more than one family you’re going to be in a bit of a pickle because it mgiht be tricky to keep toggling between the families but since it is your bed and you must sleep in it, find a way to check on all your kids. Walk if you have to, but at least make it a point to see your kids as much as you possibly can during this lockdown time. 

There are many things you can do as a family including karaoke night, board games, painting games, fitness classes, decluttering the house and donate things, cooking, academic sessions, spiritual enlightenment, and so on. All these things will help you bond with your family so that when the dust finally settles, you will realise that the most important people in your life are actually the people you have spent the past several weeks with.

I could go on and on with the opportunities that the Lockdown is providing but I shall let this rest here. I need to let you folks go and think about what you need to do to become better folks. If there are recommendations you might have in this regard, please share them in the comments so that other folks can pick a leaf regarding what they too can do during the lockdown.

When all this is over and Mother Earth has finished cleansing herself of the virus, we shall be stronger together. For now, sit tight, stay home, wash your hands regularly and try to be a good human being to yourself and those near you.

“A renewed and Pandemic cleansed Earth will emerge, like the Sun after rain.” Mukesh Kwatra

Bernard Ewalu Olupot
a.k.a Beewol
The Talkative Rocker
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