Are you ready for the war?

By on March 7, 2022

The past few weeks have been an absolute nightmare for people living in Ukraine, the second-largest country in Europe. And this nightmare has been because of the threat of a war waged by Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin, the leader of Russia which happens to be the largest country in Europe. The threat of World War III has been on the lips of nearly everyone even though I must admit, my relatives deep in Serere are not yet up to speed on what this war is all about. 

It’s what everyone is talking about and people have chosen to take sides.

One can’t help but wonder what role Africa in general and Uganda, in particular, has to play in this war. I mean, if two countries in Eastern Europe are having a go at each other, that should ideally not be the problem of a random person in the environs of Ntinda, Kiwatule, Najjera or Kira, right? Well, not entirely.

If you look closely at Uganda’s recent history with wars around the world, we are always happy to take part in random wars for one reason or another. Our dear leaders are excited to deploy our troops anywhere in the world on a peace-keeping mission, never mind the fact that some people might argue that there isn’t that much peace within our own borders. We do all this because we are very kind and good people. We like to put others before ourselves, and like the Bible says in Philippians 4:3, “Each of you should look not only to your own interests but also to the interests of others.” We are doing the Lord’s work.

As a direct result, it is likely that a good number of Ugandans are itching to take part in this war occurring in Eastern Europe – of course out of the goodness of their hearts. 

Before taking part in any war, however, there is a need to understand which side you will be on. I mean, you don’t want to be sent to the frontline, only for you to get confused about who you should be aiming your Smith & Wesson M76 at, right? 

Many online experts have offered their opinions about who is right and who is wrong. The vast majority have called Called Vladimir Putin a fascist, a mad man and a power-hungry infidel who wants to have everything at whatever cost. They’re calling his invasion of Ukraine the single most selfish and inhumane act by a leader since the Cold War. They have called Putin a man with a tiny dick and a huge ego. And they’ve gone ahead to advocate for all kinds of bans, sanctions, and military action against Putin, the second-longest current serving European president after Alexander Lukashenko of Belarus which is bordered by Russia to the East and North East. 

Another group of online experts have opted to point fingers at the West, led by the United States, for being the patronising backstabbing megalomaniacs they’ve been since World War II. This lot has promptly reminded the world of the NATO sanctioned happenings in Afghanistan, Iraq, Libya, Somalia and countless other countries that have been invaded by the West. In fact, they have also reminded everyone that there are only 3 countries in the world that the main bulldog of the west, USA, hasn’t invaded or established a military presence: Andorra, Bhutan, and Liechtenstein. And this lot has insisted that there is a lot of hypocrisy being dished out by the West simply because they can not stand to have another bull in the kraal.

Whichever side of the war you are on, it can generally be agreed that War is not a good way to go about solving issues. History has proven that when wars happen, the people who actually suffer are the innocent civilians who lose property and lives in a war that is usually senseless but defended by its promoters as some necessary part of their dream.

Since Putin seems hellbent on seeing through his agenda of annexing Ukraine, one might as well get ready for war whether it be called World War III, the Eastern Europe War or the War of the West vs the East. Whatever name it will be given, we must and should get ourselves ready to engage.

Obviously, as a Ugandan with no experience or skill in handling a gun, I might avail myself for less weaponized roles like online influencer work, sharing online links for war tutorials, spreading the news about where people can assemble for training and sharing motivational quotes with people injured in battle. Other than that, I might not be of much help. I know many people like myself who when it comes to fully-fledged war, will happily turn into keyboard warriors typing away furiously at their keyboards with the speed of an M134 Minigun that fires 7.62 mm calibre rounds at a blistering speed of 6,000 rounds per minute. We are relentlessly quick with our rants and battles online so much that our skill and passion deserve deployment in the war.  

I am not yet certain what official position our dear leaders have taken in this Russia vs the Rest of the World situation and therefore I can’t say for sure that I know what side of the war we are supposed to be on. Going by the majority of the masses, it can be safe to assume that we shall most likely be fighting against the guy whose parents Vladimir Spiridonovich Putin and Maria Ivanovna Putina are probably turning in their graves over how their boy has decided to handle issues. 

If the time for the UPDF to recruit the masses for the war comes I want the record to show that I am ready for recruitment. No, I might not be suitable for the frontline, unless of course there is music, some alcohol and lots of  female fighters with whom to sing and dance over fires at night in which case I will be happy to fight for another country on behalf of my country.

We wait for a call for recruitment by the UPDF but in the meantime, we shall continue to be the harmless yet annoyingly loud keyboard warriors that this pending war is stuck with.

“Never think that war, no matter how necessary, nor how justified, is not a crime.”― Ernest Hemingway

a.k.a Beewol
The Talkative Rocker
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Beewol - The Talkative Rocker