An Opera at the Campsite

By on September 2, 2019

A few years ago, while on one of my camping escapades somewhere on the hills of Kabale in Western Uganda, I came to the realization that camping is a way of life for brave men and women. People who often go camping are the ones who will be allowed into heaven before all other mortals. They will sit at the right hand of God and might even have an opportunity to address the rest of crowd in heaven.

During this particular escapede in Kabale, I encountered an experience that would change my life forever.

The nights in Kabale are not famous for their warmth so camping isn’t entirely a warm experience unless you have a constantly fed fireplace near your tent or a partner with whom to generate heat in the night. At the time of this adventure, I was fresh from a break-up and was desperately trying to convince myself that single life was better so I was always in my tent alone at night. Most of my other friends slept in doubles.

The days were blisful and full of adventure but the nights were torturous – at least for me. Apart from the biting cold and stinging loneliness, there was a small matter of my next-tent-neighbour – Ruth, the Queen of Decibels. Every night, Ruth and her partner would venture into a loud sexual and elaborate performance punctuated by moaning, yelling, screaming and summoning spirits. It often got me jealous and while I am not into voyeurism, it made me think so many things. I instantly regretted my break-up and almost found myself texting my Ex at the time.

Some people are silent and peaceful during sex. Others whimper and groan in low tones. And then there are humans like Ruth who just let loose – they wail, yell, shout, scream and break the decibel meter as they hit their orgasms over and over again. Going camping with such people is a test of faith, resilience and strength and the only possible reward for this is a seat at the table with God.

For five straight nights in Kabale, Ruth and her partner treated the rest of the campers to an Opera at the campsite, unbothered by the fact that most, if not all of us, were wide awake at night. Those who had their partners ventured into their own little performances while yours truly, struggled to ward off any thoughts of coitus throughout the night.

When you go camping with Opera Performing Couples, there are three ways to make it through the night – sit by the campfire with loud music playing through your ear phones, take several shots of a potent drink to send you into uninterruptible slumber, or have a partner with whom to start your own performance.

In case you have a partner, it is wise to create the perfect scene so that you enjoy whatever Opera performance you are planning to have and win a Grammy Award or two while at it. Whether your performance is loud and thunderous or silent and muffled, you deserve to win an award – you really do.

Quite naturally, I will recommend that you carry enough condoms so you can have safe sex. You may be camping out in the wild with little regard for rules, morals or decency but your life must never be thrown away or sacrificed for pleasure. So condoms must always be a part of the equation.

If you are looking to have a wild and fun time with your opera performer, get you some Kiss Condoms; I’ll explain why.

You see, Kiss condoms come in three different variants; Chocolate, Strawberry and Classic. Depending on what sort of performance you are looking at, these condoms will give you a great variety of options.

First, there are the Kiss Classic Condoms. For anyone who goes camping with their partner and would like a classic good time, these condoms come in handy. They are very gently lubricated with a rather silky natural feeling for increased pleasure and sensitivity. They are transparent, straight-walled, teat-ended, natural rubber latex condoms with non spermicidal lubricant and 53 mm nominal width.

Second, try out the Chocolate Flavoured condoms. These are chocolate scented, dotted and are specifically designed to pleasure the senses of your partner. They will probably encourage your partner to go a notch higher than usual in decibels – assuming your performance is worth it. These condoms are teat-ended, and are natural rubber latex condoms with non-spermicidal lubricant sizing 53 mm in nominal width.

Finally, sample the Kiss Strawberry condoms which are strawberry scented and are dotted as well to increase the pleasure and excitement for your partner. They are also teat-ended, natural rubber latex condoms with non-spermicidal lubricant with 53 mm nominal width.

A Grammy Award Winning Trio

Before you go camping with a group of people it is always wise to carry Kiss Condoms so that in the event that you momentarily fall in love and want to have an Opera peformance with someone while out in the wild, you are not caught off guard. Of course not everyone who goes camping is out for Opera Performances but you know what they say – it is better to be safe than sorry.

After several years of witnessing Opera performances at Campsites, I offer this recommendation knowing very well that the most melodic and rhythmic performances are often delivered by Kiss Condoms. So whether you are camping in the cold hills of Kabale, at Lunkulu Island, on the plains of Moroto, in the jungles of Congo or on the shores of River Nile in Jinja, make sure you get yourself a Grammy Award for your Opera performance – make it count with Kiss Condoms.

“Is sex dirty? Only when it’s being done right.” ― Woody Allen

a.k.a Beewol
The Talkative Rocker
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Beewol - The Talkative Rocker