The Science Fail – Part I

By on July 6, 2015

A few decades ago there was all this talk about the world becoming so technologically advanced that if someone woke up from the 70’s they’d not recognise a thing. We watched Blade Runner in 82, Back to the Future in 85, Aliens in 86, Total Recall in 90, Terminator in 91, Star Wars in 97, The Matrix in 99 and a bunch of other confusing but interesting Science Fiction movies and we thought that the world was actually on the path to becoming a very scientific place or at least an easier place to live in.

I’ll be honest. Quite a lot has changed in the world. Women now run the world and Beyonce is their gang leader, rappers are proud to get shot, people are switching sexes, children can now sue their parents easily and Ugandans are winning International Awards. Things really have changed.

However, I feel like we are lagging behind in the things that actually matter. Forget things like a cure for cancer and/or aids. Forget a mobile phone that self charges or even that bogus condom that turns a colour when it comes in contact with an STD.

I am talking big ground breaking scientific discoveries that the human race has failed to come up with. We claim to be the most superior species but all this is now in doubt seeing as we have so many gaping holes in our advancement.

I shall list down a few things that I think we are lagging behind on.

i) Transport

This is the first and most important aspect of science where we have been dealt a raw deal.  After seeing The Weasly Family’s Ford Anglia 105E from Harry Potter, The Jetsons’ Hovercar, Agent K’s 1987 Ford from Men In Black, Bespin Motors’ Storm IV Twin-Pod Cloud Car from The Empire Strikes Back or Luke Skywalker’s Landspeeder from Star Wars, one would get the general feeling that flying cars are not exactly impossible to make.

Where the hell are they?

Why do I have to spend countless hours stuck in traffic worrying about what time I will arrive at my local bar for the Happy hour? Why do I have to struggle with so many sweaty and equally frustrated Banakampala lining up  to board the cheapest means of transport – the Pioneer bus? Why do I have to be subjected to sitting next to a woman with 2 chickens, a goat, 3 children and an overflowing basket of roasted maize when a flying car could solve all these problems?


Hell Yeah!

I’d probably not be able to afford one such flying car but I am sure there are bank loan plans that cover that. No one died from having a bank loan that enslaves them for all their lives. I could try that too.

In the recent past KCCA came up with a somewhat brilliant idea of cable cars and a few people scoffed at the idea. And then somehow it was shelved. Backward thinking humans! Do you not realise that KCCA is working hard to have us leapfrog into the future? Why do you have to be so negative?

EPs; that’s what you are. Bloody Enemies of Progress!

ii) Music

I am a very musical person. I do not sing and neither do I play any music instrument. In fact, I have so little talent in making music that I am often left in disbelief when certain people are ejected from music talent search shows. I think no one sings worse than I do.

Despite this little handicap, I happen to be one of the most demanding people when it comes to good music. I will generously hurl insults and quickly rubbish hard working musicians and their craft as long as it does not appeal to my ears. One can say I am a bit of an arrogant prick but I don’t make the rules – the universe does; it made me this way. I am so judgmental with musicians that I often find myself wondering why certain ‘musicians’ would rather not spend their free time in cotton fields building cash crop returns for this country or at the front-line somewhere in Somalia – serving their country.

Scientists need to help people like myself; not to fix our voices so we too can sing but to help us limit the sort of music we hear. You see, when I travel in the taxi or have the unfortunate luck of attending a certain house party where bogus music is played the whole time, I have very little choice in the matter.

I know someone somewhere is silently wondering why I should subject myself to the ‘bogus’ music when I can just leave the house party. You see, where there is free food, lots of drinks and several indecently dressed females getting drunk faster than a flood sweeping through Bwaise, leaving the house party is the last item on my to-do list. As a matter of fact, I will listen to a five year old whistling if the owner of the house party said that was all the music there was.

Hate this ssongSometimes I want to attend parties with a special outfit …

But why should I subject myself to this suffering when we have brainy scientists living among us? These people have camped on the moon, underwater, in vigorously sprouting volcanoes but none of them can come up with a solution for my lot? How disappointing.

Now what I’d like to ask scientists and all other people who claim to be quite good at these advancements is to come up with some kind of solution. It is rude for me to plug ear phones in at this house party because apparently that is a bit anti-social. So how about developing some kind of device that only I can listen to? A device that can transmit sound waves to only myself and no one would know. This would be wonderful because then I can be at the house party and not worry that I will leave the place high and drunk off of music that seems to be made from a dingy and smelly warehouse in the slums of God-Knows-Where. It may be the stuff everyone wants to listen to but if it does not float my boat, I hate to be a spoil sport and turn the volume down or do what I did at Frank’s house party – pour hot water onto the laptop from which it is playing.

Someone find me a solution.

What else?

There are a bunch of other things that I would like to call scientists out on. Why there is no technology that can allow me to say 5,000 words in one blog post and still not have people complain that the blog post is too long; I have no idea. So next Monday I shall share a few more instances where I think Science has failed us or we have failed it – I don’t know.

For now, go on and enjoy this useless week that Scientists have failed to make shorter so that we can get to Friday right away!

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is to not stop questioning.” ― Albert Einstein, Relativity: The Special and the General Theory

a.k.a Beewol
The Talkative Rocker
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Baldie. Ailurophile. Social Media Junkie. Blogger. Pluviophile. Fixer. Sober Drunkard.
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  1. Guulo

    July 6, 2015 at 7:35 pm

    A five year old whistling? hehehe…you’re silly

  2. Annet Jenniffer

    July 13, 2015 at 1:59 pm

    Interesting Blog Post

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