Netizen Warrior

By on August 14, 2017

The internet is generally a wonderful place – if you have data and/or access to WIFI and your phone battery does not require a recharge every time you make or receive a phone call. The internet can also be a wonderful place if you are a cat lover who is into countless hours of YouTube cat videos; it can be quite fulfilling. Similarly, if you are Martin Kamotho and you suddenly became an internet sensation under the alias ‘Githeri Man’, the internet is going to be a very wonderful playground. You might find several things falling into your lap including a plot of land, brand new phones for the entire family, a fully paid family travel package to the Maasai Mara and a personality brands die to associate with.

For most people, the internet is a place of comic relief. If you are a hard working woman in the office struggling with period pains as you stare at the office clock in anticipation for a return to your sofa at home, the internet can give you a bit of relief, albeit momentarily. And if you are a guy who can’t wait to leave work and get back home to your cat who may or may not be named Hendrix, the internet can help you see out the final minutes of the unending work day.

I have been a Netizen (citizen of the internet) for several years now and all this while, I have learnt that while you might have worthy and often noble intentions on the internet, there will always be someone who will misconstrue, misunderstand or simply shit on some good thing you have going. And this bunch of humans is often not shy to express their half baked and unfounded opinions because, well, it is the internet – everyone has an opinion about everything. And many people like to rile other up, just for the fun of it.

Are you kidding me

Sometimes you read people’s opinions and just shake your head.

Every now and again I attempt to engage netizens in banter on Twitter or Facebook. Some talk back with brilliance and humour and I add them to my favourites list. Those are usually generous with their wit and are generally a good sport. Others simply shit on my submissions with bogus English, misguided opinions and off-topic banter. But you know what, I tolerate everyone because I am cool like that. But perhaps I do that a little too much.

On Friday evening I received an Email from Facebook informing me that someone had asked Facebook to review my profile because it might not be following Facebook Community Standards.

Screen Shot 2017-08-11 at 6.46.33 PM

Imagine such madness!

Quite naturally My first worry was that someone had hacked into my account. I feared they were going to dig out my inbox conversations with Amelia Kyambade and Tumusiime Mutebile. But when I attempted to log in, Facebook alerted me that my name ‘Talkative Rocker’ was being contested by someone. Apparently someone had complained that it was not my actual name and therefore Facebook needed me verify it with my National ID, Passport or some such document before I could reclaim the account.

I was livid.

But as a decent human being who abides by rules and regulations, I decided to change to Bernard Ewalu Olupot. Also, I didn’t have documents verifying that I am indeed Talkative Rocker. The Government has been too keen to offer National IDs for nick names.

Amidst this confusion, I remembered that a few weeks back I had started a Facebook Page which I somewhat abandonded. I deserted the page because, well, it appears Facebook Pages function well when you give them time, good content and a few dollars – all of which were in short supply at my end. The page has been quietly growing with little content, a few miserable Likes and a whole load of promise. Every now and again I share something there but overall I have not been too active on it.

However, because of recent developments, I am going to have to pay more attention to the Page. I will probably have to create worthwhile content, spend a few dollars to shove the page down people’s throats and perhaps hound my friends, relatives, OBs OGs and whoever else knows me to LIKE the bloody page.

I will be shifting most of my usual madness, off colour jokes, brainless conversation and inappropriate banter to my not-so-new Facebook Page. It is also likely that I will now spend a little more time creating content for the bloody Page because from what I gather, people on Facebook love good content or they just love videos of YouTube fails. I will figure that out in due course. For now however, my task is simple – to assure all the ladies I have been talking to that I am indeed the same person I was when they knew me as Talkative Rocker. My other task is to assure the world that while I might have changed my name on my personal Facebook account from Talkative Rocker to Bernard Ewalu Olupot, in real life I have actually been that. In addition, the views I might express on my personal account are in no way representative of the views of anyone who goes by the name Bernard or Ewalu or Olupot. Equally, they are not representative of the views of Iteso, Ugandans or Netizens in general. They have been and will remain my personal views.

Go on and give my Facebook page a good old like but I must warn you, I don’t give away free Airtime, share gossip about celebrities, give tips on how to get rich, have mind blowing sex, grow a beard or develop hips. I just share stories about my life in as simple-to-understand a manner as possible. If anyone reports me or my page to Facebook (AGAIN), there will be a World War with three warring factions; Donald Trump, Kim Jong Un and Myself!

That will be all for now.

“War is what happens when language fails.” ― Margaret Atwood

a.k.a Beewol
The Talkative Rocker
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Beewol – The Talkative Rocker

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Baldie. Ailurophile. Social Media Junkie. Blogger. Pluviophile. Fixer. Sober Drunkard.
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  • Kangye

    Sorry that you had to go through this,Bernard. We have to get used to the name now.
    This blog post raises queries about social media branding especially the life online Versus that offline. In a situation like yours where your audience bought into Talkative Rocker before Bernard, it comes with more effort on your side to rebuild your brand. All this however works for your grater good in the long run depending on how long you want to play the game. There is a name to the face in this case.

    Best of luck.