Cell Phone Terms and Conditions

By on September 30, 2013

Communication is something that has come a very long way. In the distant past, one had to go through heaven and hell just to have a message delivered from one part of the world to another. Today, all one has to do is pick up a phone, press a few buttons and they will be talking to a Norwegian, Korean, South African, Indian, American or Nigerian without having to physically cross borders. Phone calls have made life easier and much smoother. Almost every place you turn, there is someone holding a phone, talking on phone, buying a phone or stealing a phone. Let’s just say, life revolves so much around using phones.


Safe to say that without a cell phone life is empty!

It goes without saying however that owning a phone does come with ‘terms and conditions’ and while you may not have the liberty to agree or disagree, accepting to own a phone essentially means you have agreed. For the entire time you own and use a phone, you will have to put up with these terms and conditions even though along the way you may feel the urge to throw the towel in. If you have never owned a phone and are planning on getting one, first of all I must say, welcome to the 21st Century. Secondly, I must add that it is of great importance that you take some time to weigh your options in terms of whether or not you really need this gadget. In light of the fact that I love to keep you in the know, I therefore give you the phone terms and conditions.

Do not Compare and Contrast

The ideal phone should be able to make and receive phone calls and it should be able to send and receive text messages. When you have just purchased your phone, try not to compare it with another phone because you can be sure that you might want to throw yours in the garbage bin right away. Some phones are able to do more than call and text; some phones can tell you about the weather, let you access the internet, take pictures and even have radio. When you have purchased a brand new phone, try to keep the excitement within otherwise you will be sent to the gallows with disappointment and utter belittlement. Your ownership of the most recent phone model might make you feel like a Ruler of Middle Earth but as soon as a newer version is released, you may want to hide under a rock because suddenly you will become irrelevant. The rule is; when you buy a phone, do not flaunt it around unless you are absolutely sure the other person has an older model phone in which case you should use every opportunity to shove it in their face.


A Typical Camera Phone

Go easy on the Serial Beepers  / Flashing addicts

Two days after you have bought your phone and you are still in the process of setting up your phonebook, a random number will flash on your screen; seconds later it will appear as a missed call. This is known as beeping or flashing and there are individuals whose sole purpose in life is to beep their way into every phone user’s call log. On some occasions, you will call back the number and realize it is a long lost friend or a relative who somehow landed on your number. You will then catch up and feel glad that they flashed you. However, on another occasion, you will call back the number and meet a rude and vile person on the other end asking who you are. They will proceed to insult you and tell you they did not flash you and that you are utterly mistaken. Whatever happens, do not lose your cool because this is only but the beginning. Serial beepers are part of our society, they breathe the air we breathe, eat the food we eat and live the lives we lead. They are however less developed mentally so understand their predicament and go easy on them.


Try to keep your cool even when someone flashes you 8 times an hour

Brace yourself for ‘Battery Low’  

If by any chance you purchase a smart phone, brace yourself for frustration arising from low battery issues. You see, smart phones have this wonderful ability to have several applications that can all run at the same time. This however means that you have to contend with a battery that is getting drained at lightning speed. If you come across pretty girls walking around with large bags that contain chargers and extension cables, please do not judge them, battery issues demand that you carry charging equipment almost everywhere. Once in a while you may find it necessary to stuff a charger in your bag or in your pocket as you head out there. Prepare to be met with plenty of frustration because sometimes, even after you have charged your phone fully; a few applications will drain it almost instantly and then you will wonder whether there is another gadget in your pocket feeding off the battery power.

And then there will be Ringtone Woes

Ever travelled in a taxi and heard a very loud and abnormally bogus song playing as someone’s ringtone and the person takes really long to pick up? Well, that happens quite a lot. You see, everyone has the right to have whatever ringtone makes them happy. There is no general rule about what ringtone one should have or how loud it should be. Common sense however should state that one should not let their ringtone volume impair other people’s hearing or frustrate people’s attempts to have conversation. The freedom that comes with owning a phone comes with the extra responsibility of being a considerate and sane phone user. This has been abused so much; I think it wouldn’t be bad if a Ringtone Bill were passed in the August house. Such a bill would outlaw the use of certain songs as ringtones and it would criminalize ringtone volumes being higher than a certain level. But like I said, it is a free world so everyone will be at your mercy; you are the boss.

Moments in the Wilderness

An average person today checks on their phone every after a few minutes. It is safe to say that our lives are very much influenced by and centered on phones. When you have gotten used to using your cell phone, a few minutes away from it will probably have you worrying yourself sick. Even if all you ever do on your phone is play games and watch the network bars, you too will feel like you are in the wilderness if your phone were taken away. In the sad event that you lose your phone, prepare to take a trip through the wilderness because you, my friend, will be living a sad and lonely life. Your friends will probably desert you because suddenly you are no longer on Whatsapp and your parents will think you have been kidnapped because your number is unavailable. If for some unavoidable reason your phone were turned off for a couple of hours, prepare for a number of messages asking if you are okay or if you are still alive. The general rule is do not switch off your phone and do not let it get stolen.

What then?

Well, for starters, think very seriously about the kind of phone you want to buy and what features you need. If you are looking to own a phone as a status statement, there are a number of sleek and stylish phones out there that will cost you an arm, a leg and a kidney. If however you are intent on the basic functions, you too will be sorted by phones that are so cheap they are given as a bonus after purchasing more expensive phones. At the end of the day, the choice is absolutely yours. Just make sure that as you purchase your phone and as you use it you do not piss off other phone users or get too frustrated so as to commit suicide; after all, it is just a phone.

And for your weekly dose of inspiration …

As long as you have a cell phone you’re never alone – Stanley Victor Paskavich


a.k.a Beewol

The Talkative Rocker

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Beewol – The Talkative Rocker

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Baldie. Ailurophile. Social Media Junkie. Blogger. Pluviophile. Fixer. Sober Drunkard.
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