8 Ultimate Pleasures

By on April 22, 2019

One can never truly live without experiencing some of pleasure or displeasure. There are thousands of pleasures we usually attain in this life and each pleasure creates a different level of satisfaction within. Some pleasures are really just little bits and pieces of joy while others are deep and fully satisfying.

Pleasure can be derived from several places and things. There are Eight ultimate and unmistakable pleasures that every human being needs to experience for their life to be complete.

  1. The Taste of a Cold Beer

This is not just an ordinary taste. Those who drink beer will agree with me that the first sip off the first beer on a long night is usually the most delicious sip. Many people take their first sip with their eyes closed. This is not for nothing – it is a sign to the gods of alcohol that we are ready for the next 5,252 sips that may or may not end in binge drinking. Depending on how good your drink is, the first sip often tastes the best because you’re sober, your taste buds are very functional and you can actually feel the sinful sensation as it enters the mouth and glides down your throat. Oh what a feeling!

  1. Fast and Reliable Internet

For many Ugandans, fast and reliable internet is a reserve of huge Corporate offices, Lobbies of Expensive Hotels and homes of freelance workers like myself. (N0, I will not be entertaining visitors anytime soon). The average Ugandan will complain about their internet 3 or 4 times a week. And so whenever they encounter fast internet, there is a mini celebration inside of them. For the most part, people are unsure of how or where they will get fast internet because every ISP seems to promise one thing and offer another. I personally use Smile Telecom because not only do I have super-fast internet, I also enjoy 10 times the data I purchase if I recharge from any PayWay or via the Website on Monday. (Well in Smile Telecom for that Smile Kyookya thing of yours, well in.)

  1. Rain in the Morning

Again, mostly freelancers, the unemployed and the retired can enjoy this one. The ordinary working Ugandan hates morning rain. Morning rain means the struggle to get out of bed is ten times harder, and the journey to one’s work station is filled with traffic, a struggle for taxis, moody road users and general wetness. Waking up to a morning where it is raining and you don’t have to get out of bed is just what everyone desires. It feels even better when you know that you don’t have to get out of bed but there are people elsewhere who absolutely must get out of bed. That way, you can check on them and very nonchalantly make them feel jealous that you are warm and dry between the sheets and they are cold and wet in the streets.

  1. Tender and Succulent Meat

This is probably the part where vegans scroll by or look on in jealousy. Whenever I go for a barbecue or decide to order for anything meaty from my meat expert Rogers of Rogers Bites, I have nothing else on my mind other than the thought of succulent taste of tender meat. And so when I place my order for a few KGs of meat from Rogers, he often delivers very quickly because my impatience will prompt me to keep asking how far my order has reached. The seconds between sinking your teeth into a piece of meat and actually feeling the juicy meaty awesomeness hit your taste buds is something out of this world. Meat gives me life, it really does. Tender succulent meat is what God would tastes like – if he were edible.

  1. Sleeping Between Fresh Bed Sheets

Oh Dear God, Fresh bed sheets! The pleasure I derive from sleeping in fresh bedsheets can only be described as fantastic. Whenever I change my bedsheets (which is usually once a week) I feel an instant transformation. If I have had a horrible day and need to forget it and rise up the next day feeling much better, fresh bedsheets do the trick. Most times when I sleep a bed with fresh bedsheets I end up having cool dreams about being rich, marrying a beautiful woman and living on an Island somewhere in the Caribbean. If the bedsheets are not fresh the dreams will center around falling, being chased by thugs, being poor or a civil war. Fresh Bedsheets are very important in my life.

  1. Hearing a Favourite Song

I am a slave to music so whenever I am at a club or at party, I don’t need much alcohol to get me happy. Music does it all. When you’re out with friends and a favourite song is played, you will want everyone to pay attention and realize that the song is good. You may actually feel like the song actually belongs to you and everyone else needs permission to enjoy it. If you bump into another person who loves the song just as much, your gonads are probably going to get excited because of the invisible connection and attraction to this other mortal. And if the other person knows the words as well as you do, there is no telling how many children you will have together but they can’t be less than three.

  1. A Mind-blowing Orgasm

An orgasm is the truth. I am not talking about the orgasm you get when you touch yourself as you watch a Russian Milf go at it with a chiseled Spanish Gardener. I am talking about the orgasm from mind-blowing sex with someone who knows what they are doing. Someone who you are sexually attracted to. Someone who makes your loins shiver with desire and wanting – that kind of orgasm. Such an orgasm is the epitome of pleasure. For some, the orgasm is very easy to attain and for others it is a struggle – a lot of sweating, some cussing, extreme patience and perhaps 16 rounds of sex before they can experience it. Either way, when it comes, it is an explosion of desire, passion, fulfillment all rolled into one. The fire in your midsection often explodes into a stream of magma shooting or oozing out of you to bring a relief and satisfaction like no other. The orgasm arrives with its own rules; some people scream, others open their eyes wide, some yell obscenities, a few curl their toes and others just dig nails into the partner’s skin – it is all a sign of a desire fulfilled and a destination arrived at. Stories are even told of people who pass out when they get their orgasms. That is how powerful the Big O is. An orgasm is a very beautiful thing – everybody should experience it at least once every week.

Honourable Mentions among the great pleasures of life include noticing your battery is full, the words You are Cordially Invited, hearing ‘I Love You’, Driving with a full fuel tank, A win from your favourite sports team and Getting numerous Social Media Notifications.

  1. Your Cash/Cheque is Ready

Anyone who is self employed and does not necessarily have a 9-5 job is bound to operate in a very loose manner especially regarding cash. Since there is no steady salary, you live off of occasional payments by clients. The words ‘Your Cash/Cheque is ready’ are words created by God himself. They are words that everyone loves to hear and even though they may not come as often as one might want, when they do – nothing else matters. All evil is forgotten, all sins forgiven and all happiness belongs to you. There is a sense of accomplishment and unmatched satisfaction one gets from hearing these words. They are the ultimate pleasure for any one and everyone. Whenever a call or email arrives with them, I will typically scroll up and down my phone-book to find someone I can celebrate with. This is the ultimate pleasure of them all.

“I adore simple pleasures. They are the last refuge of the complex.” ― Oscar Wilde

Bernard
a.k.a Beewol
The Talkative Rocker
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What pleasures do you suppose rank highly on your radar? Share with the world.

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Beewol – The Talkative Rocker

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Baldie. Ailurophile. Social Media Junkie. Blogger. Pluviophile. Fixer. Sober Drunkard.
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